I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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