you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
