We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
