the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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