I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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