speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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