I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
