First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
