u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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