Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
