And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
