I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
