Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
