Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
