oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
