he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
