why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
