The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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