i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
