This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
