I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
