don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
