Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
