Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
