when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
