He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
