i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
