yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
