im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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