College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
