Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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