i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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