its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
