New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
