im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
