I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
