Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
