Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
