Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
