respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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