that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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