you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
