yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think i got beer on your cat.
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