She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
