I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
