Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
