He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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