she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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