I wish my penis had an off switch
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
