4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
