Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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