I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
