Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
