mondays should just be called national damage control day
this will be a night to untag.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
