Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
