I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
