Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
