just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he thought i was a dude.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
