just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
