every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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