I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
