is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
