you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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