listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
