what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
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just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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