if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
