1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
