I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
