I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
