I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
