the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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