They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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