shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
