I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
