This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
