Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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