don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
