Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
