What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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