I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I could make wine with my vomit
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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