Can i not drive my cunt home
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
