I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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