and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
