You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
