Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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