Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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