I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
