He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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