I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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