So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
